Related: Patience finally paying off for people who forgot to take down last year’s Christmas tree.
People who complained about shops putting up their Christmas decorations in November are now having to come to terms with the inevitability of the Christmas season, according to data analysis performed by the National Centre for Inference Assumption and Conjecture (NCIAC.)
The data, which is totally real and not made up, suggests that those who stated shops should wait until December to put their decorations up must now begrudgingly stop complaining.
NCIAC Dekthehologist Nicolas Sainz said the Christmas season is a jolly one for many, but for others it is a reminder that fruit mince pies are ‘just ok,’ and that nobody’s going to buy them that thing that they really want, so they’ll have to go out and buy it themselves on Boxing Day.
“We see a number of categories of Christmas Decoration Complaints (CDCs). There are those we classify as Not Before Halloween (NBH) for example,” said Mr Sainz.
“Other classifications of CDC include Wait Until December (WUD), Why Not Sell Hot Cross Buns Now Too Ha Ha Ha (WNSHXBNTHHH) and These Lights, They Are Too Bright (TL-TATB.)
“Every year we see a constant decrease in NBH CDCs as we approach DBH-7 (Seven Days Before Halloween), and then a sharp drop in WUD CDCs as the complainers (Ba Hum Bugs, or BHBs as they are affectionately known in Dekthehology circles) slowly begin to realise December Is Coming (DIC,)” Mr Sainz said.
NCIAC CDC Analysts (CDCAs) predict a larger than usual spike this year in a very late-in-the-year (no acronym, surprisingly) category of CDC, the Quiet Mumbling About Capitalism, or QMAC.
Sainz warns against responding to CDCs, to prevent an epidemic of the meta-CDC, the Christmas Decoration Complaint Complaint (CDCC.)
“All too often around the Christmas season, we see an increase in CDC respondents complaining that too many people complain about Christmas decorations.
“Last year saw a 23% YOY* increase in the most common CDCC, the Can’t You Just Enjoy Yourself (CYJEY.)
“A relatively new CDCC emerged in 2014, which we dubbed What If I Want to Buy a Spooky Mask and a Candy Cane at the Same Time (or WIIWBSMCCST.)
“This is similar to the fast food phenomenon, the WCIBACHBTA (Why Can’t I Buy A Cheeseburger and a Hash Brown at Three AM.)
“In 2015, we observed a strange year in which there were twice as many people complaining about people complaining about Christmas decorations than there were people complaining about Christmas decorations,” said Mr Sainz.
NCIAC recommends responding to CDCs with a nod and a smile.
Comfort can be found in the knowledge that CDCs will likely diminish in time for the Hot Cross Bun Complaints (HXBCs) season to commence in late (or possibly early) January next year.
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*Year On Year. This one’s a real acronym, FYI.